Welcome to the first issue of The Caregiver's Compass—your monthly guide to navigating the challenging, yet deeply rewarding, journey of caregiving. If you're reading this, you know that this role comes with a unique mix of joy, exhaustion, fear, depression and countless questions. Please know this: you are not alone. We created this newsletter to be a steadfast point of light for you. Inside this bi-weekly newsletter you will find resources that cover a wide range of topics that will help you simplify caregiving, direct you to vital resources, focus on self care and even give you healthy and easy to cook recipes to help you in the kitchen! Take a deep breath, grab a cup of coffee, and remember that we’re here to help you care for your loved one and for yourself.

"Survival is a 24/7 Shift"

When the doctors talk about "stability," they are talking about vitals. They are talking about numbers on a screen and the absence of immediate death. But for the caregiver, "stability" is a mirage. It is a state of being where you are physically present in a room, performing the Monumental Chore, while your former self—the woman who owned a restaurant, the woman who slept eight hours, the woman who felt light—becomes a ghost.

For the 2 first years after the stroke I felt like a sentient being trapped in a life I didn't recognize. I was a technician of aphasia and a manager of paralysis. I realized that medical science is great at saving a life, but it has no protocol for preserving one.

The tide doesn't just come in once; it is relentless. It erodes the edges of your identity until you realize that if you don't find a piece of solid granite to stand on, you will be swept out to sea.

It is too easy to lose who sight of who you are. It ends up becoming one of those "issues" we say we will eventually turn our attention to (alongside all the other issues that require our attention).

The Granite Reclamation

This is why I started hiking the White Mountain High Peaks. People asked me, "Allie, how can you leave for a hike when everything is so heavy?" My answer was simple, "that is exactly why". In the words of John Muir: "And into the forest I go to, to lose my mind and find my soul"

On the NH48, the mountain doesn't care about my husband's stroke. It doesn't care about the restaurant's mortgage. It only cares about my next step. Up there, the "Relentless Tide" of medical appointments is replaced by the relentless gravity of the climb. For that time while I am on the mountain, I am not a "silent partner." I am Allie, the hiker. I am Allie the climber. an athlete. I am alive. 

We have to find our "Granite." Whether it’s a trail, a canvas, or a silent kitchen at 4 AM, you need a space where you are not defined by what you do for someone else. A space that is defined by you. 

So this is your call to just do it. What ever it is, what ever you have been wanting to do. Get some respite and do it. Set some boundaries and reclaim your soul.

 The "Non-Patient" Hour

This week, give yourself a minimum of sixty minutes (there is no maximum!) where you do not utter a medical term. No "transfer," no "aphasia," no "insurance." Go somewhere where no one knows you are a caregiver. Be a stranger in a coffee shop or a hiker on a trail. Reclaim your name for one hour.

Reclaim your time without feeling selfish.Open your calendar (even if it's paper) and block out 60 minutes this week with the label: Finding my Soul. Use this time for you to dig deep. This time is now non-negotiable!

Meal Ideas:

Breakfast: Easy Ham Egg and Cheese Cups

https://wellnessbykay.com/ham-and-cheese-egg-cups/

Lunch: Curry Chicken Salad over Greens

https://www.simplyrecipes.com/five-minute-curry-chicken-salad-recipe-8680180

Dinner: Broiled Salmon and Sheet Pan Veggies: This is great! Fire up the oven and cook everything in there! I like to grab a loaf of Forbidden Rice Sourdough or make some quinoa on the side.

https://www.wellplated.com/broiled-salmon/#wprm-recipe-container-93583

https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/21009/sheet-pan-roasted-vegetables/

--If time permits, add a salad

---Sprinkle whatever cheese you love on top of the veggies either before or after roasting!

When I grocery shop I block my meals by region/theme so all the ingredients work together for the week. this reduces prep-work and waste  

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger—something better, pushing right back." — Albert Camus

Your turn: What is your "Granite"? Where do you go—physically or mentally—to remember who you were before the crisis?

New to my literary work? You can explore the full archive of The Relentless Tide https://allievarga.substack.com/

With grit and respect, Allie Varga Founder, The Caregiver Nook