Welcome to the first issue of The Caregiver's Compass—your monthly guide to navigating the challenging, yet deeply rewarding, journey of caregiving. If you're reading this, you know that this role comes with a unique mix of joy, exhaustion, fear, depression and countless questions. Please know this: you are not alone. We created this newsletter to be a steadfast point of light for you. Inside this bi-weekly newsletter you will find resources that cover a wide range of topics that will help you simplify caregiving, direct you to vital resources, focus on self care and even give you healthy and easy to cook recipes to help you in the kitchen! Take a deep breath, grab a cup of coffee, and remember that we’re here to help you care for your loved one and for yourself.

In the medical world, everything is a "phase." Acute, Sub-acute, Rehab, Home. But for us, there is a fifth phase no one puts in the brochure: The Wait.

It is the architecture of a life lived in the "meanwhile." We are waiting for the next appointment, waiting for the next "glimmer" of recovery, or simply waiting for the fog to lift so we can see the horizon again.

As a sociologist, I’ve realized that the hardest part of caregiving isn't the "doing"—it’s the standing still. It’s the requirement to be present when nothing is happening. Its not being able to go grocery shopping when you have the time, but no one to watch your spouse. 

If you feel like you are "wasting time" by just being there, reframe it: You aren't wasting time; you are providing the floor. Without you standing there, the person you love has nowhere to land. Your presence is the most stable piece of architecture they have.

While the White Mountains are my "Granite," the Gloucester coastline is my "Breath." People often ask how I do it. The answer is the ocean. There is a specific kind of perspective you get when you stand at the edge of the Atlantic. The tide doesn't care about your "To-Do" list. It comes in, and it goes out. Sometimes it floods over to just go back out again, like nothing ever happened.

When the "Wait" feels too heavy, I go to the water. I watch the waves and remind myself: I do not have to control the tide. I only have to manage my boat. The Challenge: This week, find your "Water." If you can’t get to the coast, find a window. Watch the wind in the trees or the rain on the glass. Watch the blades of tall grass blow in the wind. Watch the sunset. Remind yourself that the world is moving, even when your life feels paused.

 The "No-Decision" Zone Caregiving is a thousand decisions a day. This week, give yourself a "No-Decision" hour (or 2 or 3 or more!). Pick a podcast, a playlist, or a book and let someone else lead the way. If there is no one else, no worries, just return to the decisions after you take your you time

Reclaim your calendar: Block out at least 60 minutes for "Passive Peace." No choices allowed. Just being.

The "Sheet Pan" Sanctuary When the day is long, the last thing you need is a pile of dishes. These are "set it and forget it" meals so you can stay on the dock without burning the kitchen down.

Breakfast: Sheet Pan Berry Pancakes (Make these once, eat all week!)

Lunch: Mediterranean Tuna Salad (No mayo, fresh, and lasts 3 days in the fridge).

Dinner: Sheet Pan Sausage and Peppers

Tip: Toss everything in olive oil, dried oregano, and salt. Serve it as-is or inside a toasted sub roll if you need the comfort of carbs!

"Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting." — Anonymous

Your turn: In this "Architecture of the Wait," what is one thing you do to keep your spirit intact while you are waiting?

 I don’t want this to be just another email in your inbox. I want to hear about your "Architecture."

Hit Reply: Tell me one thing you’re doing this week to reclaim your "Granite."

Share the Compass: If you know a caregiver who is feeling lost in the fog, please forward this email to them. Sometimes, just knowing someone else sees the tide is enough to keep us afloat.

New to my literary work? Explore the full archive and join the 500+ who are finding their way through The Relentless Tide: https://allievarga.substack.com/

With grit and respect, Allie Varga Founder, The Caregiver Nook