Celebrating anniversaries as a caregiver for a spouse can be an emotionally overwhelming thought depending on the level of care you provide to your spouse. For me, celebrating our anniversary feels like a party for one.
I find our anniversary to be a very difficult day for me, more difficult than the average difficult day. We have a three day span where we celebrate my Birthday, our Wedding Anniversary and Glenn’s Birthday, July 18, 19, 20, respectively. In addition to that I have a twin who was born brain damaged and she comes for a visit. Sometimes the weight of life feels so oppressive.
I never expected to feel this way in my early 50’s, but here we are. At these times I will always remind myself that life is not a wish-granting factory. All I can do is enjoy whatever little thing I can when I can. It’s all any of us can do.
This year we are celebrating our silver anniversary, 25 years, a quarter of a century. Its a testament to dedication, love and loyalty. Basically my dedication, love and loyalty. But that is what marriage is sometimes, one person doing all the work when the other cannot. I often fantasize about walking away, I let myself dream of what my life would be like. But then I turn around and think about what Glenn’s life would look like. In the end I know it is not yet the time.
The good news, Glenn agreed to go back on meds and his mood is stabilizing. He is still tough but the yelling and fighting is manageable which is great for him. He just bought himself more time at home.
So what did I do with the day? Nothing, because it fell on a Saturday and I had to work. I work as a waitress in a busy summer touristy town so I have to work while there is work. I did take the night off before (Friday), celebrating the weekend because my twin who was born with brain damage was up visiting for our birthdays but in retrospect I feel that I probably should have worked.
Luckily we have never made celebrating birthdays and anniversaries a big deal so I am not missing that much. I especially don’t make a big deal out of these anniversaries since Glenn’s stroke. He seems okay with it so I leave it at that. I ask him if he wants to do anything and he shakes is head no. I will make a nice dinner and get a nice bottle of wine. What more do you need? Do I wish things were different? Of course, but they are not.
So happy birthday to me, happy anniversary to us and happy birthday to Glenn!
