We’ve all been told the same “self-care” platitudes: Take a bubble bath. Go for a walk. Just stay positive. But when you are a caregiver, those suggestions can feel like just another item on a to-do list that is already buried under mountains of laundry, medication schedules, and insurance phone calls. There are days—maybe today is one of them—where the “care” part of caregiving feels invisible, and all that’s left is the “slog.”
It’s the relentless, repetitive “crap” that you are just plain tired of doing.
If you are feeling the friction between the deep love you have for the person you care for and the deep resentment you feel for the tasks required to keep them safe, I want you to hear this: You are not a bad person. You are a tired human.
The Reality of “Maintenance Seasons”
In my recent post on Substack, No Clean Slates, I talked about how we don’t always get a fresh start just because the calendar says so. In caregiving, this is especially true. There is no “reset” button.
Caregiving often exists in a “maintenance season.” It’s a time where nothing feels like it’s blooming or moving forward. It’s just about keeping the engine running. When you’re in this headspace, “pushing through” doesn’t need to look like heroics. It just needs to look like survival.
Shifting into “Low-Power Mode”
When your phone hits 10%, it doesn’t just shut off; it enters Low-Power Mode. It stops the background updates and dims the screen to save what’s left. You need to do the same.
1. Practice Selective Neglect Look at your list. If it isn’t a matter of safety, health, or hygiene, it is optional today. The dishes can soak. The non-urgent mail can stay in the pile. Give yourself permission to do a “bad job” on the things that don’t matter so you have the energy for the things that do.
2. The 10-Minute Timer When a task feels like an insurmountable mountain, tell yourself you will only do it for 10 minutes. Often, the hardest part is the transition into the task. If you’re still overwhelmed after 10 minutes, stop. You’ve done 10 minutes more than you had before.
3. Sensory Resets You can’t always leave the house for a walk, but you can change your “internal weather.” Splash ice-cold water on your face or wrists. It triggers a biological “reset” in your nervous system that can pull you out of a fatigue spiral for a few precious minutes.
🔋 The Caregiver’s “Low-Power Mode” Checklist
Keep this handy for the days when the “crap” feels too heavy to lift.
- [ ] The 20% Rule: Identify the three “must-do” tasks. Let the other 80% slide.
- [ ] Body Doubling: Call a friend while you do the chores you hate. Their voice is the “buffer” between you and the task.
- [ ] Hydrate & Salt: Stress depletes your electrolytes. Drink a full glass of water and have a small snack before tackling the next thing.
- [ ] The “One Song” Boundary: Put on headphones for 4 minutes. Do nothing but listen. It is a tiny island of peace in a loud day.
- [ ] Done is Better Than Perfect: A “done” task counts just as much as a “perfect” one. Lower the bar until you can step over it.
You Don’t Have to Like the Work to Love the Person
Pushing on doesn’t mean you have to do it with a smile. Sometimes, the most honest form of care is simply showing up and doing the work because it needs to be done. There is dignity in the slog, even when it feels like “crap.”
Take a breath. You’re doing better than you think you are.
What is the one “crap” task you’re pushing through today? Let’s talk about it in the comments—sometimes just saying it out loud makes the load a little lighter.
Let’s Walk the Tide Together
Caregiving is lighter when shared. Join 53 other souls in my Substack village for the Naked Truth of the 2 AM watch.
Join the Village on SubstackDispatches from the Nook, Gloucester MA.
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