It really is! Sometimes, though, I hate to admit it, I am completely devoid of virtue. Initially I don’t care. When I am done, I am done; I have a short fuse. I don’t like it. It is actually one of my biggest flaws. I thought as I grew older I would develop more patience, but at 52 I am beginning to think that that may not be the case.
A lack of patience and a short fuse can indicate an inability to tolerate delays, setbacks, or frustrations, often leading to a rapid display of anger or irritation. This can stem from various factors, including stress, fear, anxiety, fatigue, or underlying emotional issues. My answer is yes to all of these. I have much more stress, fear, anxiety and fatigue then I have patience. So what can be done?
Awareness and Recognition: They are the same thing right? Not exactly, awareness refers to knowing that something exists, like our impatience, which is definitely the first step. Becoming aware of our impatience allows us to understand that it is a specific emotion.
Once aware, we can then identify triggers and patterns in our impatience, such as when it’s most likely to occur and what situations tend to prompt it. This recognition allows us to begin acknowledging the source of our impatience, whether it’s a situation, a person, or even our own expectations. Often times, as a caregiver it is a sign of caregiver burnout.
Reframing your thoughts: Challenge negative thoughts that contribute to impatience and reframe them in a more positive way. For me this involves a big dose of mindfulness. I begin by questioning my thoughts, I ask myself if it is an accurate interpretation of the situation? Usually the answer is no, I just have too many other things going on in my mind. In that moment I force myself to view the situation differently. I use self talk to tell myself, in the end, nothing really matters, they were all silly constructs I had in my head and serve no purpose to my situation.
Using coping mechanisms: Employ techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, or self-soothing statements to manage impatience and deal with our own frustrations. I have gotten to the point where I talk to myself out loud. I no longer care what other people think since this is my sanity on the line! When I am running out of patience I will stop, take many deep cleansing breaths, look and understand the situation, and usually say something out loud to the effect of “its fine, everything is fine. There is nothing I can do but accept x,y,z”. I will force myself to redirect my thoughts or actions to something less triggering.
Adjusting expectations: Recognize that not everything can be controlled and that some things take time. I am a control freak and often my expectations are not realistic. I have worked hard to accept that when I don’t have control over an issue all I can do is accept it and learn to deal with it. There are no other choices.
Practicing patience: I like to see patience as an art, like mindfulness or finding glimmer. I consider them to be the art of the soulfulness. Make a conscious effort to delay gratification and focus on the long-term benefits of waiting because good things do come to those who wait! And once you get “it” revel in “it” and pat yourself on the back for a job well done in dedication to the art of patience.
Empathizing: I find empathizing to be a great tool for dealing with my own caregiving burnout. When I stop to think of my husband and all he lost, and all the frustration he is feeling it allows to tap into a new source of patience.